Monday, December 26, 2011

Saying Goodbye to 2011

2011 is almost over! Not gonna lie, I am rather happy to be saying goodbye to 2011. It started with my husband deployed to Guam and ended with my soon-to-be ex-husband stationed in California while my boys and I are living in Texas again... with my mom. I love my mom and I'm so thankful she is letting us stay with her until I get back on my feet, but I'm a grown woman. I have been on my own since I graduated highschool and went to basic training.  I feel like such a failure because I am living at home with my mom again.

I have not been "me" the last 4 1/2 years I was married. My ex is a good man, but we were not good together and it was killing me. Most people (even those close to me) do not know what all happened during my marriage. When you're married, you tend to keep the bad stuff to yourself... as far as family and friends are concerned, you have a happy marriage. I know all too well how easily it is to fool those around you into believe what you want them to believe. I tried to save my marriage multiple times, but some things are not meant to be saved. I believe God brought my ex and I together for a reason and he told me to leave when I did. I believe there is someone else out there for me and for my ex as well. He is still my best friend and will always be one of my best guy friends, but that is all we are meant to be. We have two handsome boys together and it is best for them to have two parents who are happy and divorced (or remarried), than two parents who are unhappily married to each other because of their children.

I am making 2012 MY Year!  I have a plan and I WILL stick to it. I am going to the Texas Work Solutions Center tomorrow to apply for multiple jobs in and around the Houston area.  I pray that God will bless me with a job by the end of January. I am awaiting my VA certificate to come in the mail (should be here in 4 weeks or so), so that I may apply for school.  I want to get my degree in Technical Management, which is close to what I was doing in the military. I am also toying with the idea of getting into Nursing. I had my PCA and was working part time at an Assisted Living Home while I was active duty and I loved it. I spoke with my mom about getting my CMA and CNA, but she said if I'm going to do that, I might as well just get my nursing degree.... and she's right.  The thing that bothers me with that is I came back to Highschool.... What I mean by that is, very few people have grown up in my home town and are all about drama. I'm sorry, but I have two kids and I don't deal with the childish behavior from people who are old enough to legally drink. And I have a few friends who went into nursing and I know if I do go nursing that I will here "She's just do it cause 'so and so' did it" because everyone seems to think that just because you hang out at the same place or whatever, that you are trying to be like them. Think what you want, but I am my own person. And YOU are the LAST thing I want to be!  Anyways, I'm rambling... but that's not really deterring me from going into nursing, I don't really care what others think, just don't want the drama... but it's whatever cause I would not stay in my hometown and do their nursing program. Uncle Sam and the State of Texas (Thankfully) are paying for my schooling.  I have been blessed with the opportunity to go to any school I wish, and I will do so. The reason I'm thinking about not doing nursing is because I would be working 12-20 hours a day (depending on where I work) and I wouldn't see my kids. Yes, I would be able to afford to give them everything they need, but money isn't everything. Honestly, I would love to get my nursing and Technical Management degrees.... but I'm just not sure which one I will begin with. It really depends on if I have a job by the time I get my VA certificate. If I don't, then I will go for nursing... If I do (and it's a good job that will take me places), then I will go for my Technical Management.  I'm only saying that cause I know I would need more "off" time to study and take more classes if I went nursing.

So... housing situation... I am currently living with my mom right now, as I mentioned before, and I hate it. I am too independent and grown for this.  My goal is to have my own place by March, April at the latest. I can't continue to live with my mom for much longer. It is driving us BOTH insane!

I spent over half of 2011 losing over 30 or so lbs. In 2012, I plan to tone up and work on getting my 6 pk back. I am currently in size 11 jeans but they are getting lose. I am comfortable with my size now and just need to work more on toning up my arms, thighs, and tummy.. and also work on staying in shape. People thought I was losing all that weight so I would look good for other people, but that's not true. It's not about how other people see me, it's about how I see myself and whether or not I am comfortable in my own body. I don't think I have ever been so comfortable in my body as I am now.

If you are interested in my life and what happens over the next year, please join and follow my blog. I will be updating this at least once a week, if not more. 

Happy New Year's Y'all! :)

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